Five Things You Should't Say To Your Child

You probably wouldn't use old-school phrases like "Wait until your father gets home" or "I wish you were more like your sister" with your kids. But there are lots of less obvious ones that you should avoid, for their sake and yours.

1. "Great Job."      

Research has shown that tossing out a generic phrase like "Good girl" or "Way to go" every time your child masters a skill makes her dependent on your affirmation rather than her own motivation, says Parents advisor Jenn Berman, Psy.D., author ofThe A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids. Save the kudos for when they're truly warranted, and be as specific as you can. Instead of "Super game," say, "That was a nice assist. I like how you looked for your teammate."

2. "Practice makes perfect."

It's true that the more time your child devotes, the sharper his skills will become. However, this adage can ramp up the pressure he feels to win or excel. "It sends the message that if you make mistakes, you didn't train hard enough," says Joel Fish, Ph.D., author of 101 Ways to Be a Terrific Sports Parent. "I've seen kids beat themselves up, wondering, 'What's wrong with me? I practice, practice, practice, and I'm still not the best.'" Instead, encourage your child to work hard because he'll improve and feel proud of his progress.

3. "You're okay."

When your child scrapes his knee and bursts into tears, your instinct may be to reassure him that he's not badly hurt. But telling him he's fine may only make him feel worse. "Your kid is crying because he's not okay," says Dr. Berman. Your job is to help him understand and deal with his emotions, not discount them. Try giving him a hug and acknowledging what he's feeling by saying something like, "That was a scary fall." Then ask whether he'd like a bandage or a kiss (or both).

4. "Hurry up!"

Your child dawdles over her breakfast, insists on tying her own sneakers (even though she hasn't quite mastered the technique yet), and is on pace to be late for school -- again. But pushing her to get a move on creates additional stress, says Linda Acredolo, Ph.D., coauthor of Baby Minds. Soften your tone slightly by saying, "Let's hurry," which sends the message that the two of you are on the same team. You can also turn the act of getting ready into a game: "Why don't we race to see who can get her pants on first?"

5. "I'm on a diet."

Watching your weight? Keep it to yourself. If your child sees you stepping on the scale every day and hears you talk about being "fat," she may develop an unhealthy body image, says Marc S. Jacobson, M.D., professor of pediatrics and epidemiology at Nassau University Medical Center, in East Meadow, New York. It's better to say, "I'm eating healthy because I like the way it makes me feel." Take the same tack with working out. "I need to exercise" can sound like a complaint, but "It's beautiful outside -- I'm going to take a walk" may inspire her to join you.

Thanks to parents.com

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Five Tips For Baby Skin Care

Nothing is sweeter than the soft, smooth skin of a newborn. Your baby’s skin is a protective barrier, too. It will continue to change through her first year of life. 

Here’s how to keep it pampered and feeling good.

1. Rethink Bath Time

Even if you enjoy it as a nightly ritual, know that you don’t have to fully bathe your baby more than twice a week -- at least until he’s crawling around and rubbing sweet potatoes in his hair. The rest of the time, sponge baths around the diaper area, mouth, and any skin folds (around armpits, thighs, and double chins), will do the trick.

You don’t even need to lather him up. “As a mom and dermatologist, I used soap only where needed in the areas with folds,” says Sonia Badreshia-Bansal, MD. She's a clinical instructor at the University of California, San Francisco. “Water everywhere else was fine.”

Choose a mild liquid cleanser that won’t dry out your baby’s skin or sting her eyes. “Soap-free liquid cleansers that are both fragrance- and dye-free are preferred,” says pediatric dermatologist Amy Theos, MD, of Birmingham, AL. “Some of these do not lather much but are still effective cleansers.”

Avoid bar soap and bubble baths. Also, follow basic safety guidelines -- support your baby’s head, and test the temperature of the water on the inside of your wrist, for example. Gather your supplies beforehand, because a baby should never, ever be left alone in a bath. Not even for a second.

2. Block the Sun

Keep your baby out of the sun as much as possible. When she goes out in the daytime, use these items to cover and protect her tender skin:

·         A hat

·         Tightly woven clothing with long sleeves and pants

·         Sunglasses with ultraviolet (UV) protection

·         A broad-spectrum sunscreen (that blocks out both UVA and UVB rays) with a sun protection factor (SPF) of at least 15

For babies younger than 6 months, apply sunscreen only to small areas that might be hard to cover with clothes, such as the face and hands. Rub it in well. You can apply sunscreen to all skin areas of an older baby’s body, but be careful around his eyes. Also, try not to take him out between the hours of 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. That's when the sun is the strongest and can do the most harm.

Sunscreen sticks or blocks with titanium dioxide or zinc oxide might be gentler on skin. Reapply sunscreen every 2 hours or after your baby sweats or gets wet.

-Thanks to webmd.com

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3 Dont's For Raising A Happy Child

Don't Protect Kids From Failure

It may be one of the hardest tasks as a parent, but let your kid make her own mistakes -- and learn from them. To help kids prepare for sticky situations, help them learn to accept life's realities, such as conflict, struggle, and consequences. For instance, if your daughter repeatedly forgets to take her lunch to school, let her manage for herself in the cafeteria one day. If she isn't getting along with a teacher or a classmate, let her try working it out first. "Children have to deal with the fact that this world is full of flawed people," says Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of Raising Happiness and a sociologist at UC Berkeley Greater Good Science Center. Avoid becoming a "helicopter" parent, who is always hovering, or a "snow-plough" parent, who swoops in and rescues a child before something bad happens. Instead, adopt a middle-ground approach to parenting. "The trick is to stay just far enough away that the child begins to develop her own autonomy, but close enough that if a child is floundering, the parents can come in and pick her up," says Dorothy Stubbe, M.D., associate professor and program director at Yale University School of Medicine Child Study Center.

Don't Criticize and Compare

Shining the light on unwelcomed behavior can often backfire. "Give a reaction when you want an action repeated," Dr. Harrison says. "Ignore things you don't want to continue. For some kids, a bad reaction is better than no reaction." In other words, say something nice when your daughter puts away her toys, but try to hold your breath when she doesn't share them with her little brother. Avoiding criticism boosts a child's self-esteem and helps keep her happy and motivated, Dr. Stubbe says. If your child repeats the bad behavior, try hard to continue ignoring it. If it persists, remain patient, and calmly explain to him why his behavior is not acceptable, and remind him of how he should act.

If you have multiple children, avoid comparing them with each other. Every child is an individual, so focus on individual strengths. For instance, if your son makes his bed every day but your daughter never does, tell him how much you appreciate his efforts to be tidy. Don't scold your daughter or ask why she can't follow instructions or be neat like her brother. But if your daughter does start making her bed (even if it's every other day), praise her. Set expectations that are reasonable based on their personalities. "It's important for each child to understand his unique value to you," Dr. Harrison adds.

Don't Hide the Negative

 

Positive stories are good, but negative ones are just as -- if not more -- effective, because they illustrate perseverance. Negative anecdotes enforce the idea that families can stick together and triumph through good times and bad. "No life is free from adversity no matter how healthy or wealthy you are," Dr. Carter says. "Kids need to learn how to deal with it." Help your child understand that she's part of something larger than herself, like family. Tell stories about your family, whether they're about you, your spouse, or extended relatives. Storytelling doesn't have to be formal. Try engaging with your children at dinner or during family gatherings. A person's happiness is deeply tied to the depth and breadth of her social relationships, Dr. Carter notes.

-Thanks to parents.com

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Four Things To Do For Raising A Happy Child

Do Let Your Kid Take the Lead

Spend "child-centered time" with your kid every day, says Joyce Nolan Harrison, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry, division of child and adolescent psychiatry at Johns Hopkins Children's Center. This means putting away all distractions (read: your smartphone!), getting on the floor, giving your full "face-to-face" attention, and letting your little one lead playtime. "Do what the child wants to do, not what you want the child to do," she says. This isn't a new concept, but it can be extremely difficult for many parents. Start by dedicating just five minutes to playtime each day. "Inevitably, what happens," she says, "is parents want to do it more." If you have multiple kids, spend time individually with each one; combine their playtime only if they request it.

Do Offer (Selective) Praise

Pop quiz: Your kid scores a 95 on a math test. You respond with: (A) You're so smart! I'm super proud of you, or (B) I'm glad that you studied hard. Keep up the great work! For the sake of your child's self-esteem and happiness, experts agree that option B is the best response, since it's better to dole out praise for an action than for a result. Praising inherent traits, such as intelligence, can make kids self-conscious, which may lead to unwanted complexes. The worst-case scenario is when a child evolves into a perfectionist and eventually feels insecure and believes he is disappointing you if he doesn't get straight A's. These days, parents tend to over praise, so buck the trend by praising for concrete actions and effort. Dr. Carter notes that it's easier to comment on the end result, such as a high test score, but she recommends that you train yourself to praise "specific effort, because that's in a child's control."

Do Show Gratitude

"Gratitude and happiness are so strongly linked," Dr. Carter says. So practice gratitude with your munchkin on a daily basis, but appreciation lists shouldn't consist solely of toys and tablets. Teach your children to focus on being thankful for nonmaterial things, such as sleeping in a warm bed or taking an art class, to broaden their perspective. If your child can't rattle off a list, it doesn't mean he's not grateful -- he may simply need practice. "Kids aren't really taught to be grateful, but parents get upset when kids act entitled," Dr. Carter says. If your youngster isn't responsive, try a sneaky approach: At dinnertime or before bed, ask him to name three good things that happened that day.

Do Prioritize Your Own Friendships

 

Happy kids have friends, so help your child develop his friendships. You can start by not neglecting your own friends. If you're worried about being selfish with personal time, drop the guilt. Spending time with your pals actually sets a good example for your children, because maintaining friendships helps teach the value of social relationships. "We're much better parents when we are happy," Dr. Carter says. Plan outings with the girls, whether it's grabbing coffee or getting a manicure. If it's hard to sneak away for adult-only time, invite a friend to join you and your child at the park or museum. Or if your friends have kids, trade off on hosting playdates at home or at a playground or zoo. Encourage your child to make friends too, and schedule playdates so that he can enjoy unstructured playtime.

-Thanks to parents.com

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Baby-Sleep-Through-The-Night Strategies

Get Baby to Sleep!

That newborn of yours took a while to figure out the difference between night and day -- and you expected this. But you didn't anticipate that his whole first year could leave you feeling like you got a job working the graveyard shift. If sleep deprivation has you weeping into your coffee mug, take heart: It's possible to put an end to those 2 a.m. wake-up calls. "After 4 months, a baby's natural preference is to sleep," says clinical social worker Jennifer Waldburger, coauthor of The Sleep-Easy Solution. "He just doesn't always know how to stay asleep. But even bad habits are usually fixable in just a few days." Use our advice to sort out what's keeping your baby up at night.

-Thanks to parents.com

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Things To Do When Kids Talk Back

Try these tips to nip your child's bold and brash behavior in the bud.

Keep Your Composure

You don't have to put up with your child talking back, but be careful about how you react, because your response can either improve or weaken your relationship with your child. Be too lenient, and the cheekiness could lead to more worrisome behavior. Be too strict, and your child could feel that he can?t express himself, which will lead to a communication shutdown. Your child is probably feeling some intense emotions already, so if you don't keep your reaction as mild as possible, a nasty power struggle might ensue. Yelling, making threats, or screaming "How dare you? I'm your mother!" will only escalate the situation. It's best to hold your tongue, take some deep breaths, count to 10 (or 20), and ask yourself if what you're about to say will help or hurt the situation. If you still feel yourself losing control, or if your child has already lost control, keep calm and say that you will continue the conversation later when both of you have cooled down. Then walk away to another area of the house. If the two of you are in public, don't engage in a war or words. Instead, tell her that the conversation is on pause until you get in the car or make it home.

Determine the Root Cause

Back talk isn't always a true expression of your child's feelings, and the reason might be rooted in something unrelated to you. Maybe your son is having problems with a friend in school and taking it out on you because he feels you're a safe target. Or perhaps he's stressed about homework and screaming at you to get out of his room. If this happens, remain calm and collected, and ask questions to get to the root of the problem. ("Did something happen today at school?" or "Did you say that because you need some time alone?") Figuring out the reason behind the snappy comeback can make it easier to understand and resolve the issue.

Explain What's Acceptable

When your usually docile child says ?Get off my back!? in response to a request, she might be repeating something she?s heard and not realize she's being rude. "Children sometimes hear their friends talking back, and they want to be like them, so they may imitate the language," says Hannah Chow-Johnson, M.D., assistant professor of pediatrics at Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine. So be explicit about what is and isn't okay. Tell her it's fine to say that she's angry or tired, for instance, or that she doesn't feel like talking at the moment. But name-calling, yelling, or telling you to go away is unacceptable.

Carry Out Consequences

Once you discuss which behaviors and phrases are inappropriate, let your child know there will be consequences if he crosses the line. Determine what these consequences will be -- losing certain privileges (video-game sessions, TV time, etc.), getting additional chores, or going to bed earlier -- and let him know ahead of time so he won't be caught by surprise when he's punished. Most important,follow through. Being consistent and sticking to the rules is the only way to show you mean business.

Model Your Expectations

It's very important that you model the behavior you expect from your child. Children learn by imitating what they see, especially at home, says Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., a family psychologist in Houston. If your 5-year-old overhears you using a snarky tone when speaking to your spouse or your mother-in-law, she will learn it's okay to treat others (including you) in a similar manner. So make sure you speak and treat others (family, friends, neighbors, and strangers) respectfully, even when you think your kid isn't around (little ears often hear everything).

In addition, examine your own interactions with her. "If you see a pattern of back talk developing with your child, sometimes the best thing to do is grab your phone and record audio," says Erik A. Fisher, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of The Art of Empowered Parenting: The Manual You Wish Your Kids Came With. You don't have to let your kid know -- simply glance at the phone when your kid's talking back and hit the record button. The recording gives you a chance to listen to your child's tone as well as your own. Many times when parents listen, they realize that they used the same sarcastic or disrespectful tone as their child, which is how the child learned it, says Dr. Fisher.

Praise Politeness

Pay extra attention when your child is exhibiting positive behaviors instead of negative ones. When your kid talks and expresses herself in a respectful manner, show your approval. Tell her, "I really like the way you waited your turn to speak" or "You did a really good job explaining yourself without raising your voice." This will make her feel good and help her realize that Mom and Dad also notice good things. The best part: She'll talk back less often!

-Thanks to parents.com

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