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Do Let Your Kid Take the Lead
Spend
"child-centered time" with your kid every day, says Joyce Nolan
Harrison, M.D., assistant professor of psychiatry, division of child and
adolescent psychiatry at Johns Hopkins Children's Center. This means putting
away all distractions (read: your smartphone!), getting on the floor, giving
your full "face-to-face" attention, and letting your little one lead
playtime. "Do what the child wants to do, not what you want the child to
do," she says. This isn't a new concept, but it can be extremely difficult
for many parents. Start by dedicating just five minutes to playtime each day.
"Inevitably, what happens," she says, "is parents want to do it
more." If you have multiple kids, spend time individually with each one;
combine their playtime only if they request it.
Do Offer (Selective) Praise
Pop quiz: Your kid scores a 95 on a math test. You respond with:
(A) You're so smart! I'm super
proud of you, or (B) I'm
glad that you studied hard. Keep up the great work! For the sake of your child's
self-esteem and happiness, experts agree that option B is the best response,
since it's better to dole out praise for an action than for a result. Praising
inherent traits, such as intelligence, can make kids self-conscious, which may
lead to unwanted complexes. The worst-case scenario is when a child evolves
into a perfectionist and eventually feels insecure and believes he is
disappointing you if he doesn't get straight A's. These days, parents tend to
over praise, so buck the trend by praising for concrete actions and effort. Dr.
Carter notes that it's easier to comment on the end result, such as a high test
score, but she recommends that you train yourself to praise "specific
effort, because that's in a child's control."
Do Show Gratitude
"Gratitude and happiness are so strongly linked," Dr.
Carter says. So practice gratitude with your munchkin on a daily basis, but
appreciation lists shouldn't consist solely of toys and tablets. Teach your
children to focus on being thankful for nonmaterial things, such as sleeping in
a warm bed or taking an art class, to broaden their perspective. If your child
can't rattle off a list, it doesn't mean he's not grateful -- he may simply
need practice. "Kids aren't really taught to be grateful, but parents get
upset when kids act entitled," Dr. Carter says. If your youngster isn't
responsive, try a sneaky approach: At dinnertime or before bed, ask him to name
three good things that happened that day.
Do Prioritize Your Own
Friendships
Happy kids have
friends, so help your child develop his friendships. You can start by not
neglecting your own friends. If you're worried about being selfish with
personal time, drop the guilt. Spending time with your pals actually sets a
good example for your children, because maintaining friendships helps teach the
value of social relationships. "We're much better parents when we are
happy," Dr. Carter says. Plan outings with the girls, whether it's
grabbing coffee or getting a manicure. If it's hard to sneak away for
adult-only time, invite a friend to join you and your child at the park or
museum. Or if your friends have kids, trade off on hosting playdates at home or
at a playground or zoo. Encourage your child to make friends too, and schedule
playdates so that he can enjoy unstructured playtime.
-Thanks to parents.com
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