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You probably wouldn't use old-school phrases like "Wait until
your father gets home" or "I wish you were more like your
sister" with your kids. But there are lots of less obvious ones that you
should avoid, for their sake and yours.
1.
"Great Job."
Research has shown that tossing out a generic phrase like
"Good girl" or "Way to go" every time your child masters a
skill makes her dependent on your affirmation rather than her own motivation,
says Parents advisor Jenn Berman, Psy.D., author ofThe
A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids. Save the kudos for when
they're truly warranted, and be as specific as you can. Instead of "Super
game," say, "That was a nice assist. I like how you looked for your
teammate."
2.
"Practice makes perfect."
It's true that the more time your child devotes, the sharper his
skills will become. However, this adage can ramp up the pressure he feels to
win or excel. "It sends the message that if you make mistakes, you didn't
train hard enough," says Joel Fish, Ph.D., author of 101 Ways to Be a Terrific Sports
Parent. "I've seen kids beat themselves up, wondering, 'What's wrong
with me? I practice, practice, practice, and I'm still not the best.'"
Instead, encourage your child to work hard because he'll improve and feel proud
of his progress.
3.
"You're okay."
When your child scrapes his knee and bursts into tears, your
instinct may be to reassure him that he's not badly hurt. But telling him he's
fine may only make him feel worse. "Your kid is crying because he's not
okay," says Dr. Berman. Your job is to help him understand and deal with
his emotions, not discount them. Try giving him a hug and acknowledging what
he's feeling by saying something like, "That was a scary fall." Then
ask whether he'd like a bandage or a kiss (or both).
4.
"Hurry up!"
Your child dawdles over her breakfast, insists
on tying her own sneakers (even though she hasn't quite mastered the technique
yet), and is on pace to be late for school -- again. But pushing her to get a
move on creates additional stress, says Linda Acredolo, Ph.D., coauthor of Baby Minds. Soften your tone
slightly by saying, "Let's hurry," which sends the message that the
two of you are on the same team. You can also turn the act of getting ready
into a game: "Why don't we race to see who can get her pants on
first?"
5.
"I'm on a diet."
Watching your weight? Keep it to yourself. If your child sees you
stepping on the scale every day and hears you talk about being "fat,"
she may develop an unhealthy body image, says Marc S. Jacobson, M.D., professor
of pediatrics and epidemiology at Nassau University Medical Center, in East
Meadow, New York. It's better to say, "I'm eating healthy because I like
the way it makes me feel." Take the same tack with working out. "I
need to exercise" can sound like a complaint, but "It's beautiful
outside -- I'm going to take a walk" may inspire her to join you.
Thanks
to parents.com
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